Okay, now that I've read it a few times, a few bits that jumped at me and got me to make extra-squeaky noises of delight:
The weight of the newcomer's attention settles on Tommy like a yoke. - that's visceral and stunning and sort of raw-physical. Love this line!
He turns back around, sliding his arms through the bars, hip cocked and ankles crossed. - in a fic full of gorgeous imagery, I LOVE this "scene" for the ease with which I could SEE IT when reading the description and how much characterization it carries in so few words. (There are quite a few such lines, btw, you smart person you.)
who stares so intently at him he feels like a broken watch needing to be pieced back together - oh, my HEAAAART. <3
Like this, with bare inches separating them, it'd be easy for Tommy to feel small, vulnerable. Adam's a tall, broad-shouldered man, and even if Tommy isn't weak by any means, Adam's got weight and leverage on his side. Of all the things Tommy's feeling, threatened sure as hell isn't one of them. - there are a few passages where you show him thinking strategically, like a man on the run, in terms of assessing threat and figuring out a fight strategy, but then the last line uncovers the emotion that the language is hiding. LOVE IT.
"Jesus," Tommy says, and downs the rest of his drink in one swallow. - ahahahaha, perfect setup for the first-time experience of performing on stage with Adam. And Tommy thought he would be the main attraction in that show, LOL!!!
His heart's going at a panicked gallop, adrenaline burning through his veins urging him to run, fight, do something. - oh my fucking GOD, this is so wild-hot. *dies*
"But I think I want you to apologise with your mouth." Flatly, Tommy says, "I'm sorry." - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
There are a million other things Tommy wants, a million other last chances to take before he goes. A whole lifetime of them. - *whimper*
In the seconds before all hell breaks loose, Tommy thinks, sure and certain, I'm not the one I need to walk away still breathing. - *DOUBLE WHIMPER*
And that ending, holy shit. HEARTEYES FOR FUCKING EVER.
Thank you again, bb. This has become an instant favorite in any fandom I've ever read. You're BRILLIANT. <3333333333
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branchandroot
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Date: 2011-02-27 10:57 pm (UTC)The weight of the newcomer's attention settles on Tommy like a yoke. - that's visceral and stunning and sort of raw-physical. Love this line!
He turns back around, sliding his arms through the bars, hip cocked and ankles crossed. - in a fic full of gorgeous imagery, I LOVE this "scene" for the ease with which I could SEE IT when reading the description and how much characterization it carries in so few words. (There are quite a few such lines, btw, you smart person you.)
who stares so intently at him he feels like a broken watch needing to be pieced back together - oh, my HEAAAART. <3
Like this, with bare inches separating them, it'd be easy for Tommy to feel small, vulnerable. Adam's a tall, broad-shouldered man, and even if Tommy isn't weak by any means, Adam's got weight and leverage on his side. Of all the things Tommy's feeling, threatened sure as hell isn't one of them. - there are a few passages where you show him thinking strategically, like a man on the run, in terms of assessing threat and figuring out a fight strategy, but then the last line uncovers the emotion that the language is hiding. LOVE IT.
"Jesus," Tommy says, and downs the rest of his drink in one swallow. - ahahahaha, perfect setup for the first-time experience of performing on stage with Adam. And Tommy thought he would be the main attraction in that show, LOL!!!
His heart's going at a panicked gallop, adrenaline burning through his veins urging him to run, fight, do something. - oh my fucking GOD, this is so wild-hot. *dies*
"But I think I want you to apologise with your mouth."
Flatly, Tommy says, "I'm sorry." - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
There are a million other things Tommy wants, a million other last chances to take before he goes. A whole lifetime of them. - *whimper*
In the seconds before all hell breaks loose, Tommy thinks, sure and certain, I'm not the one I need to walk away still breathing. - *DOUBLE WHIMPER*
And that ending, holy shit. HEARTEYES FOR FUCKING EVER.
Thank you again, bb. This has become an instant favorite in any fandom I've ever read. You're BRILLIANT. <3333333333